Greetings to you, friend!
A few observations from yesterday . . .
Driving home from work I saw two middle-aged men on scooters racing down the road like they thought they were in a Nascar race.
There was a piece of what used to be a big-truck tire lying on the side of the highway today looked like a turtle.
I passed a small pickup truck that sounded exactly like an old Volkswagen Beetle.
When people have stupid questions I am always the one they feel the need to call. (WTF!)
And now on to bigger and better things . . .
I have a goal that I am trying to reach at the moment. I am so close to reaching that goal, but my motivation seems to have stalled.
When I got my e-reader I noticed that the number of self-publishers was astounding. People who used to write short stories and books just to get it down on paper and out of their heads are now able to self-publish their works through the e-book platform. It’s an amazing thing because I have discovered some pretty decent, if not really darn good, writers that might not have otherwise been published had it not been for their self-published e-book.
Having spent the better part of my life with a notebook in front of me and a writing utensil in my hand I thought I would give it a try. I came up with a simple idea and just started writing. I’m sure that professional writers would cringe at the way I have gone about writing my book, but I don’t care. My way works for me. I started with one character and just wrote, letting that character tell their story. I had no idea what would happen to that character or even how the story would end. Now I am at the end of the story and I can’t seem to finish it. Maybe I am afraid to finish it for fear that I won’t know what to do with my time after that. Maybe I am afraid that I won’t know what to write about once this book is done. Maybe I am afraid to publish it for fear that nobody will want to read it.
My goal was to actually finish the story (something I have rarely been able to do) and to put it out into the great big world of other self-published writers. I said that I didn’t care if nobody downloaded it, that it wouldn’t bother me if nobody liked it. Who am I kidding though? I want people to like my book. I want my book to be the most downloaded e-book EVER. I want to take the self-publishing world by storm. Don’t we all want to reach for the stars when we set goals?
By sharing this with you I am not looking for motivation from strangers to finish my book. I have family and friends already pushing me to do that. I guess that, in sharing this story with you, I am just putting out into the great big unknown that I am scared: scared that nobody will like my story, especially my family and friends; scared that what I considered my literary baby will lay a big turd; scared that achieving my goal will only end in failure.
So, it makes more sense to “lose motivation” than to finish the story, right? I know, I know. My notebook is sitting on the couch next to me begging me to finish the last few pages of the book. My laptop stares at me begging me to finish typing and editing the book. My friends and family have turned this entire goal of mine into the literary Olympics. “Come on, Carrie, you can finish it. Go Carrie!” My own cheerleaders in my race against . . . myself. I am lucky to have them, but at the same time . . . PRESSURE!!!! I don’t want to disappoint them if my book is not what they were hoping.
I am not looking for pity or added motivation by saying all of this to you. I just wanted to share my insecurity. I will eventually finish my book (I hope). The thing I am looking forward to the most when it finally is published is the look on my best friend’s face when he sees that the book is dedicated to him. I just hope I can make him proud.
Thanks for listening.
Until next time . . .