Every year the holiday season starts earlier and earlier. The Halloween decorations start coming out halfway through summer and the Christmas decorations come out before Halloween. Eventually it’s going to get to the point where the holiday decorations just never get put away and the halls stay forever decked.
Here we are, a mere two days after flood of ghost-and-goblin-themed candy and cheap costumes. Fall is barely in the air. There are still green leave on trees yet we are already being bombarded with Christmas. Holiday movie promo’s on t.v, Christmas shopping commercials, and recipes for the PERFECT holiday meal in magazines. Wasn’t Christmas of 2012 just yesterday and we are already rushing in Christmas of 2013.
In the spirit of forced holiday cheer, I say every year that I am not going to wait until the last-minute to get my Christmas shopping done. Yet every year I am out in the stores in the waning days before Christmas hunting for gifts that I should have purchased weeks earlier. The problem with that is that the holiday season is very expensive in my home. Of course there is Thanksgiving and Christmas, but there is also my birthday and my son’s birthday in December. The poor bank account and shopping stamina can barely keep up. It seems like wrapping paper is getting torn from birthday gifts and going straight onto Christmas gifts. Unless, of course, we encounter the person who gives a BirthdayChristimas gift.
Now don’t get me wrong. I long got over the “well, your birthday and Christmas are so close together that I got you a collective gift” thing. I remember how much it drove me bat shit crazy when I was a kid though, and my son is going to be in the same boat. Not to mention, because of the closeness of his birthday to mine he more often than not has to share his birthday with me, as far as birthday celebrations with extended family goes. Poor kid!
With all that said . . . I think that this year I am finally ahead of the game . . . maybe. Here it is a month before my son’s birthday and I have already bought his birthday present. He has been talking about it for months. Every time we have gone to the store he has had to visit it and make sure it was still there and remind me how badly he wanted it. Today I went to the store and OMG!!! It was gone! I am the worst mommy ever for not buying it sooner! I am going to mommy hell after I get dressed down by a pissed off kid! DAMMIT TO HELL!!!!!
In an effort to not ruin his birthday, and to escape the wrath of my son should this gift not materialize on his birthday, I went to another store that sells the same item. That store isn’t open on Saturdays. WTF!!! It was like the gods of birthdays were laughing at me. “Ha ha, Carrie, no birthday shopping for you! You are going to go down in history as the worst mom EVER!” Well, you know what, birthday gods? Fuck you! I win! Amazon, bitches!
A few simple keystrokes and the input of my credit card number and I outsmarted the evil, laughing birthday gods. My son’s birthday gift is on its way to me even as I type. To make my shopping success even better the gift I found on Amazon was cheaper and came with more extras than the one my son found in the store. Excuse me for a moment while I do my “Carrie’s the best mom in the whole world” dance.
Now, does the fact that I proactively purchased my son’s birthday gift a month early instead of at the last-minute mean that I am also going to start my Christmas shopping early also? Probably not. Despite what I may say right now I know myself too well. I know I will be out there at the 24-hour Walgreen’s, CVS or Wal-Mart on Christmas Eve picking through disgusting fruit cakes and generic perfume and fighting the other last-minute shoppers for the PERFECT gift for everyone on my list. I will then go home only to discover that I am all out of tape and wrapping paper.
So, happy holidays to all the last-minute shoppers. I will see you on Christmas Eve. ‘Tis the season for procrastination.
Until next time . . .
A TALE OF A T-REX 
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