Love

This morning I woke up with a heart that felt so full of love.  I’ve had a rough several days but today I finally feel at peace with everyone and everything around me.  Now given a certain person in my life I know that this feeling is merely temporary, but with the love and support of my friends and prayer to God to guide my way I know I can make it through the rough patches in my life.

It is unfortunately very easy for me to lost sight of that sometimes.  Over the last several days I have had to remind myself that God is in control of my life, not me or anyone else.  God alone knows how everything will turn out and he will always lead me in the direction I need to go, he will always lead me through my problems.  In those moments when all I want to do is throw up my hands in frustration, scream and cry, and angrily lose myself in the complete lack of control over my own life, that is when I most need God.  Instead of succumbing to frustration I need to pray for strength.  Instead of screaming and crying I need to pray for patience and grace.  Instead of feeling out of control I need to remember that God is in control today, tomorrow and everyday.

There are times when I question why a certain person has been brought into (and kept) in my life.  She is hateful, angry, and mean.  She is toxic to herself and to everyone around her.  She is miserable with her life and rather than try to improve her life she chooses to try to drag everyone down with her.  She is a sinking ship.  She’s drowning in her own self-loathing.  The past several days she has been coming after me.  Her hateful words and anger have been directed at me like a volcano.  I am not the cause of her anger or frustration, but I am the only person left in her life that she has not completely driven off.  Everybody else has turned their backs on her.  Can you really blame them?

Yes, she upset me.  Yes, I bit my tongue when I wanted to lash out at her just as she was doing to me.  Yes, I have been praying for her.  Not matter how hard she tries to pull me down with her I have someone in my life that is stronger than the negativity that is festering inside her like a boil.  He is my life raft on her sinking ship.  He pulls me back up when she tries to pull me down.  God is stronger than anything she can say or do to me.

When I wonder why she is being allowed to fill my life with so much hate and anger I think about the hate, anger and suffering that Jesus endured on the cross for you and I.  What she puts me through is nothing compared to what Jesus endured for us.

This morning I woke up to another day of life.  I woke up with a job to go to, a little money in my pocket, food on my table, the love of my friends and family.  My life is full of blessings.  Today I am thankful for the people in my life that love and support me, and for those that inspire my love for them.  Today and everyday I am thankful for God’s never-ending, never-changing love for me.  Even when I turned my back on him he still loved me.  Love doesn’t get much better than that.

Until next time . . .

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