Praying for guidance

I am in a quandary.  I am perplexed.  I am without out an answer.
3 weeks ago I gave my letter of resignation to my program director an general manager.  3 days ago I drove past a house that is for sale, and I absolutely fell in love with it.  My husband and I can pay the rent with only his income, but I fear that if we were to buy this house that the mortgage would be beyond the capabilities of his sole income.  You see, I haven’t left my position at the radio station yet.  Since I have no plan for life after Froggy I told my bosses that I would stay until my replacement gets hired and trained.  If we were to try to buy this house it would be based on two incomes.
Today my program director asked me how quick I was wanting to leave the station.  The original plan was to have me out of there by the end of this month, but now it may be up to another 90 days.  The guy on the morning show at our sister station in Bowling Green is leaving the company due to health issues.  My program director may be getting relocated to Bowling Green as his replacement.  That means a replacement needs to be found for my program director.  That position takes precedence over my position.
I’m alright with staying on for another 3 months.  I understand that some positions are more important that others and require immediate attention, but then my program director had another talk this evening.  We talked about the house I found on Friday, that has been occupying my mind since then, that I got to walk around inside of yesterday, that I am already mentally arranging my furniture in.  I showed my program director pictures of the house, and when he saw the list price of it he emphatically told me that I MUST buy that house.  I reminded his that I am leaving my job soon.  That when he said words that rocked my entire day . . . “You could always retract your resignation.”
What?!?
A month ago he told me that if I give my resignation it is a done deal, there is no going back, once he starts the search for my replacement he can’t stop the process.  But then today he essentially said, “hey, just tell us you were just kidding about resigning.” He doesn’t know what our general manager will say if I were to retract my resignation.  Our GM may say, “too late, babe.  Sorry.”  I keep trying to think about what I would say if I were in his position, and the first thought that comes to mind is, “she’s already given her resignation once.  How long before she does it again?”
I really want this house.  I am so tired of living in an apartment.  I’m tired of having people living on the other side of my living room walls.  I want my own space to paint, hang pictures, a front porch to sit out on at night, to let my son have the pet cat that he wants so badly that he’s already got the name picked out (Sylvester).  I want a home for a family.  But do I want it badly enough to stay at a job that is mentally tearing me up?
I could stay and convince myself that I’m not unhappy there.  I stayed at my last radio station for 11 years by doing that very thing.  By the time I left I was so miserable that I sat at home at night and cried on my couch.  I was so stressed that my doctor had to put me on medication for anxiety.  Is there where I am heading again if I opt to stay at Froggy?  Or will the ability to purchase a home for my family outweigh any negative job-related feelings?
I don’t know what to do.  I am so confused.  I know what I want, and unfortunately what I want is two different things.  I can’t have both.  I know completely understand the phrase, “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.”  I can’t leave my job, and buy the house, too.
Time to pray for guidance: for open eyes to see it, open ears to hear it, a willingness to follow it.
Until next time . . .

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One thought on “Praying for guidance”

  1. When we talked about your departure, it was to spend more time with God. Have you found another way to do that? Or, perhaps, is something wanting to keep you from it? Big hugs!!

    Pray for discernment, but be prepared for an answer.

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