The end is just the beginning

I owe my friend, Brandi (sparrowanddandelions), an apology, and she’ll get it as soon as I am done with this post.  But right now I sit on my couch knowing that “my” church is no longer “my” church.
A year-and-a-half ago Brandi led me to an amazing church.  Less than 6 months later she left that church .  A year later I am leaving that church.
It would be really easy for me to sit here and list all the things that are wrong in that church, but it would all my opinion, and if I’m not working to fix the problems then by passing judgement I am part of the problem.
She left a year ago for reasons that I was not willing to see or believe at the time.  After all, the man who leads that church is a pastor, for goodness sake.  He would never do the things all of these other people were saying that he did or said.  He would never treat people the way others were saying he did.  I was so new to my faith that I had faith in everyone and everything . . . except for the people who were trying to open my eyes to the truth about the leader of that church.  I wasn’t ready to see it yet though.  But Gods works on each of us in his own way and in his own time.
Then last night the clock stopped ticking on my time at that church.
Another very good friend of mine at that church and her husband told me about things that pastor said to them, and about them to others in the church, that were blatant untruths.  Last night I watched as my friend cried, and her husband struggled with his disappointment and anger.
How can a man who is supposed to lead and teach us spiritually behave against all that he teaches?  How can a man who claims to live biblically, to run his church biblically, behave as if he is above the Bible?  How can he teach us one thing on Sunday morning and then look us in the eye the rest of the week as he does not practice what he preaches?
Last night I saw the man who leads that church for what he really is.  I saw him the way I was unable to a year ago.  I saw him the way Brandi was able to a year ago.
In the past year that church has been the unspoken white elephant between Brandi and me.  I have allowed that church to come in the middle of my friendship with Brandi, because I allowed myself to let the pastor influence my opinion of her negatively.  Now I am able to see that he is a leader that needs prayer, and a lot of it.  The judgemental side of also thinks he is a man who needs a few lessons in humility.
A year and a half ago that church fit me because I was fresh and sparkley new to my faith in Jesus.  But now that church no longer fits.  I am a different person than I was a year and a half ago.  I am in a very different place in my spiritual maturity.  It’s time to find a church that fits me.
Brandi, I am sorry that I allowed someone else to make me see you the way he wanted me to see you.  I’m sorry that I put him in the middle of our friendship.  I’m sorry that it took me a year to see it.
Until next time . . .


4 thoughts on “The end is just the beginning”

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