This is the fourth time I’ve tried to start this post. Will this one meet with the delete button also?
I need to sit down and talk with someone that I care about very much. But due to circumstances involved with the situation I may never be given that opportunity. When my dad was going through the worst of his drug addiction several years ago he and I wrote letters back and forth. He was in prison in Missouri, and I was living in Paducah by that time. Talking on the phone was not an option. Instead I vented so much anger out to him via pen and paper, but through those letters we worked through the issues that his addiction had caused between us, and started on the way to forgiveness.
The situation that is before me now is very similar to the my dad’s, but this has hurt me in a much different way because I may not ever really get the chance to say to the person what I want or need to. I may not get that opportunity for closure that communication brings. I am going to try though with the following “letter” that may be as close as I will ever get to speaking with that person again. For the record, the inability to speak to the person is not by my choice. It is just because of the situation itself. I’ve thought about reaching out to the person, but I doubt it would be welcomed by that person, or by others involved. At the moment my hands are tied and my mouth is muzzled.
Allow me to begin by saying that no matter where the road takes either of us from here I still love you. You have been very important to me over the last few years. You were someone that I held a great respect for, and I believe that you felt the same way about me. I felt very valued in your life, and you always went out of your way to make sure that I never doubted that.
Recently some things came to light about you that have affected everyone involved with the situation. Some are angry. Some are sad. Some are numb with shock. I have been all of these in the last few days. I don’t know what made you do the things you did, but I want you to know that I have already forgiven you for what you did to me.
Friend, you are a good person at heart, and even good people can make poor decisions. But those poor decisions do not define who we are. I have faith that you will eventually be able to find your way out of this, and hopefully be stronger because of it. There are suspicions of your past coming back to haunt you. I pray that it’s not true, but if it is, I pray that you get the help you need to put it where it belongs . . . back in the past.
There are reminders of you everywhere I look, and with the pain of what you did so fresh, you name is one everybody’s lips. It hurts me to hear others speak of you the way they do. I know they expect me to be angry and unforgiving, but without giving forgiveness then how do we begin to heal and move on? I don’t believe you are a bad person. I believe you just made a wrong turn and got lost. It’s time to turn around and find your way back, Friend.
No matter what happens always remember that you have my forgiveness, and that I believe in you to work past anything you are going through. I am always here for you.
Now please excuse me. I need to cry.
Until next time . . .