I am having another night where finding sleep will be a battle. Don’t get me wrong. I am exhausted. I could close my eyes and be asleep right now. My problem lies in the fact that I am afraid to go to sleep.
Next month will be the two year anniversary of my husband deciding to quit drinking. It had become a problem. It had gotten out of his control. After two rather frightening incidents, I have him an ultimatum . . . the alcohol went, or he went. That afternoon every drop of alcohol was removed from our house, and he began attending a recovery program the following Friday.
Last night there was an incident that was eerily reminiscent of the alcohol- induced incidents from two years ago. I know, without a doubt, that my husband has not had a drink since the night before I made him choose between the alcohol and his family. He has come too far, an has too much to lose. Last night was just a sleepwalking trip gone bad. But it reminded me of those two nights two years ago. Now I am afraid to go to sleep. What if it happens again? What if he gets hurt and I sleep through it? What if I can prevent a repeat incident?
I am afraid. I am too afraid to sleep. I am too afraid to not keep an eye on him.
I am trying to give this to God. I have prayed for a hedge of protection around my husband, and for God to ease my fears. After all, fear is a lack of faith.
Sleep will come when I finally give this all to God and trust that He will keep my family safe
Until next time . . .