Struggling with fear

I am having another night where finding sleep will be a battle.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am exhausted.  I could close my eyes and be asleep right now.  My problem lies in the fact that I am afraid to go to sleep.

Next month will be the two year anniversary of my husband deciding to quit drinking.  It had become a problem.  It had gotten out of his control.  After two rather frightening incidents, I have him an ultimatum . . . the alcohol went, or he went.  That afternoon every drop of alcohol was removed from our house, and he began attending a recovery program the following Friday.

Last night there was an incident that was eerily reminiscent of the alcohol- induced incidents from two years ago.  I know, without a doubt, that my husband has not had a drink since the night before I made him choose between the alcohol and his family.  He has come too far, an has too much to lose.  Last night was just a sleepwalking trip gone bad.  But it reminded me of those two nights two years ago.  Now I am afraid to go to sleep.  What if it happens again?  What if he gets hurt and I sleep through it?  What if I can prevent a repeat incident?

I am afraid.  I am too afraid to sleep.  I am too afraid to not keep an eye on him.

I am trying to give this to God.  I have prayed for a hedge of protection around my husband, and for God to ease my fears.  After all, fear is a lack of faith.

Sleep will come when I finally give this all to God and trust that He will keep my family safe

Until next time . . . 


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