I spend a lot of time in my car. My job and my home are 50 miles apart, so my round-trip commute is approximately 2 hours long. I also live a half-hour away from my church. So I spend a great amount of my week behind the wheel of my little car.
Ever since I got my drivers license my car has been my ultimate me-time refuge. I can get behind the wheel of my car and hit the highway. The hypnotic hum of the tires on pavement is better than any new-age meditation music or nature sounds. It just me and the reflectors that keep me in my lane. In the drivers seat is where I do some of my best thinking, praying, or just being quiet. It was in that very seat that a realization fell in my lap that in the past several months I was unable to see. I was blinded by my own anger and feelings of abandonment.
Life is a series of roads. Those roads twist and turn. If we follow God’s directions those roads will take us to where He wants us. Too often, though, we choose to take navigation into our own hands. We detour. We make the road more difficult. We take exits that we were never intended to take. We get lost. It is only with God’s direction that we can get back on the right path.
For the last several months I have tried to take navigation into my own hands. In some aspects I am right where God wants me. I teach an amazing class of kids on Sunday morning at church. I am in school pursuing a degree in Social Work. My marriage is strong. But lingering in the background of all of that is the fact that over the summer I detoured and got lost. It is only recently that I have been able to recognize that where I am is not where God wants me.
I lost a very dear friend over the summer. He didn’t pass away. Circumstances at the time simply brought the friendship to an end. It hurt. I was angry. I blamed God for taking away a friendship that I felt I desperately needed. That friendship was as important to me as breathing.
I am codependent. I base my opinion of my myself on how others see me. When this friend needed me I felt important. I felt valued. I had worth. Yet the only one we should look to for our importance, our value, our self-worth is God. I was looking to the wrong person. I had detoured from God’s path. I put the importance of that friend in my life higher than I placed the importance of God in my life. I’m not saying that God ended that friendship as a punishment. Please don’t get me wrong. It was just time for that friendship to end.
Just as life is a series of roads, so are relationships. Sometimes people in our life travel the same roads as we do, but eventually all roads come to an end. Eventually every road leads you to a destination. The same is true about relationships. Some are only meant to last for a small part of your journey through life.
Such is true with the friendship that ended over the summer. God brought us together as friends many years ago knowing that we would need each other to travel the same road together. At times he kept me from getting lost, and at times I kept him from getting lost. And in that time we both found our way to the true guide on our journey. We both found a relationship with Jesus Christ that will lead us through the remainder of our days.
So while our roads traveled together for 7 years, over the summer it was time for our roads to take different directions. In those 7 years he and I experienced a lot of curves, hills, and road construction, but we left behind a trip that was full of beautiful scenery.
And now finally, after months of mourning a lost friendship, after months of feeling lost, after months of trying to navigate the road on my own, it’s time to put the navigation back into hands that I should have never taken it out of. When I navigate I get lost. I have no sense of direction. But when God is navigating I will never get lost.
He will heal my heart. He will direct me on this path. He will light my journey one mile-marker at a time. He will lead me to where he wants me, and the road will go on.
Until next time . . .