Not grown up yet

To-do list for the next couple of weeks:

  1. Go to church tomorrow – 1 service only!  DON’T FORGET!
  2. Cookout at friend’s house on Monday
  3. Continue planning women’s bible study at church
  4. Get rid of eye infection by Wednesday
  5. Start new job on Wednesday

I finally got a new job.  Hooray for that!  I’m nervous about it though, because it’s in a medical office and I have no medical office experience.  I just keep telling myself that God doesn’t call the qualified.  He qualifies the called.  I passed the interview, and they knew I had no medical office experience, so they must have seen something in me that made them feel comfortable enough to hire me.

My insecurity and anxiety have been very bad since I lost my job in mid-July.  I didn’t anticipate that it would take this long to find new employment.  Losing my job was a blow to my self-worth, and then every failed job interview made me feel even more useless.  I had faith that God would put me where He wanted me, but I’ve not been unemployed this long since before I started working.  Even my maternity leave was only three weeks!

The problem I ran into was that my resume showed my work history for the last 19 years.  In that nineteen years I had two jobs, and they were both in radio.  So prospective employers would look at my resume during my interview and assume that I had no skills to contribute to their work environment.  All I’ve done it talk to a microphone for the last 20 years, so what could I possibly bring to the table for any other employer?  So frustrating!  A friend from church stuck her neck out for me though, and gave me a glowing reference that caused the hiring supervisor to call me in for an interview.  That is how I got the job that I start on Wednesday.  It wasn’t from the millions of resumes that I submitted to job openings on Facebook, the billions of resumes that I submitted to job openings through Indeed, Monster, and ZipRecruiter; or the trillions of resumes that I submitted to employers just by going to their websites and searching for job openings.  I tried to do it on my own and got nowhere.  I trusted my new employment to God and He worked through my friend to lead to my new position.

“I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?”  (Jer. 32:27, NIV)

This post was originally going to be based on the latest writing prompt I drew from my Best Self Worsmith deck of cards . . .


. . . but I think that has been covered MANY, MANY, MANY times over the last several years.  In case you missed it, here is the abbreviated version:  My dad d.j.’ed weddings and in bars for extra money when I was a teenager.  When I was about 13 or 14 I saw the movies Good Morning, Vietnam and Pump Up The Volume.  Those collective influences led me to wanting to be the next Casey Kasem (if you don’t know who he is then you have no idea what it meant to ball your eyes out every week when he would play a request and dedication during the American Top 40 countdown).  I wanted to be the next Dick Clark.  I wanted to take the radio world by storm and work in all the biggest markets before I finally came back home to work on KSHE in St. Louis.

I didn’t take the radio world by storm.  I didn’t turn out to be the next Casey Kasem or Dick Clark.  I didn’t work in all the biggest markets (I didn’t work outside of western Kentucky), and I didn’t go back home and work on KSHE.  What I did do what follow my dream career for 19 years.  I created 19 years worth of memories.  I met my husband as a result of my career.  I found my church, and thus my church family, as a result of my job.  I am who I am right now because I chased the dream that was born when I was just 14 years old.

Now, God says I get to pick a new dream to follow.  I get to decide all over again what I want to be when I grow up.  The job I am starting on Wednesday may not be the long-term path that God has for me, or it might be where God wants me until I retire.  Only he knows that.  But what I want to be when I grow up does not have to mean what career I want to do.   Maybe the card would be better worded to say:

Where did you always want to go growing up?  Why?

What did you always want to see growing up?  Why?

What did you always want to say growing up?  Why?

What did you always want to learn growing up?  Why?

What did you always want to experience growing up?  Why?

Who do you want to be now that you are grown up?  Why?

What is keeping you from doing those things?


If you can answer any of those questions, fantastic!  You are doing better than many people in the world right now, myself included.  I can’t answer any of them.  Maybe I can’t answer those questions because I legitimately don’t know the answers.  After all, radio was the only thing I thought about from the age of 14 years old.  Or maybe I can’t answer those questions because I am scared to think of a new identity for myself.  My identity has always been wrapped up in my career.  Finding a new identity would be like meeting myself all over again.  Is that something I am ready to do?

Are you ready to meet yourself all over again?

Just for the record, this is still one of my favorite roles that Robin Williams played . . .


Christian Slater playing a radio d.j.?  Yes, please!

Until next time . . .

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